This morning, your Guru was scrolling through some of her favorite lists of things people write that make them sound stupid (yes, she has these lists—and yes, there are a lot of them, alas). Among in-the-know English-language gurus, they’re called FumbleRules, and you’ll see why as you continue reading. These are some of her best-loved:

  • Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
  • Don’t use no double negatives.
  • Reserve the apostrophe for it’s proper use and omit it when its not needed.
  • Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  • No sentence fragments.
  • Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  • Avoid commas, that are not necessary
  • A writer must not shift your point of view.
  • Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
  • Eschew dialect, irregardless. (See your Guru’s March 12th entry about “Real Words.”)
  • Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!
  • Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  • “Avoid overuse of ‘quotation “marks.”’”

Now, if there’s anyone out there reading this who thinks any of the above sentences is correct, it’s clear you need to read your Guru’s wisdom more often!

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